Show Don’t Tell Illustrated, a Post by R. Clint Peters

Several months ago, I went through a period of self-discovery as an author.  First, I submitted a novel to an editor.  The results of that edit were devastating.  I had so many things wrong with my novel.

At approximately the same time, I submitted the novel to a friend to review.  The review turned into a critique with the same results as the editor:  I just didn’t know how to write.

I had great ideas but I was not bringing them to the page very well.

After a week of severe depression, I began searching the Internet for information on how to be a better writer.  My search led me to the basic writers rule:  Show, Don’t Tell.  In today’s blog, I will try to illustrate that rule.

To illustrate the “tell” part of the rule, let’s create an activity in the life of our hero, Fred.

Fred was hungry.  When he saw the restaurant, he pulled into the parking lot, got out of his car, walked into the facility, and sat down.   He had a short wait after the waitress took his order and then his pancakes, Denver omelet, hash browns, and coffee were placed on the table.   

OK, if you haven’t all fallen asleep, let’s see if we can illustrate something that shows what Fred did instead of telling about his activities.

As he drove around the corner, Fred could smell the most wonderful odors. 

How long has it been since I ate?

Looking around, Fred saw the restaurant that was the source of the smells. 

OK, let’s see if I can negotiate the traffic to cross the street.

As he walked through the front door, the waitress smiled and said, “Would you like a booth, or is the counter OK?”

Fred smiled at the waitress, and replied, “I think I would like a booth.”

After she pulled a menu from the holder, the waitress led Fred to a booth, placed the menu on the table and waited for him to settle into the seat.  

“I’ll give you a few moments to decide what you want.”

Fred opened the menu, decided a Denver omelet with a small stack and hash browns would be the answer for this morning.  When the waitress returned, Fred gave her his order. 

OK, what do I have scheduled for today?  After breakfast, I need to call Hank and set up a meeting.  Ah, here’s breakfast.  It looks really good.  It’s time to fill my empty stomach.

Take a good look at the first event.  What happened?  Fred walked into a restaurant, sat down, and ordered his breakfast.  Did you fall asleep reading the paragraph?  Did anything happen that was memorable?

A few weeks ago, I began to clean up the first novel I wrote, The Pendergast Prerogatives.  Much has happened since I created the book.  The most important happening was I spent several weeks on the Internet researching how to write.

When I dived into The Pendergast Prerogatives, I was astounded at how much I didn’t know.  At one point, I discovered I had a section of almost three pages that were telling, not showing.  I am hard at work converting those pages from tell to show.  It is not an easy task.

OK, back to this post.  How do you show what is happening in your writing?

One of the easiest ways is to include conversation.  In the second event, the reader is part of the event because they are able to overhear the conversation.

A second easy way to show and not tell is to put the reader into the mind of your characters.   However, remember that you can create thoughts for only the main protagonist of your novel.  What anyone else thinks isn’t important to the flow.  Besides, they can talk about their thoughts in a conversation with the hero.

As I edit The Pendergast Prerogatives, I realize how important it is to show what the characters are going through and not tell about them.  I think I have at least doubled my efforts to edit my novel.  Translating telling about an event into showing the event has created a nightmare.  In many cases, I am not editing my novel, I am totally rewriting it.

#RClintPeters #TheAuthorsClub