Active VS Passive, a Post by R. Clint Peters

Several weeks ago, I was asked by my publisher to re-edit two of the books they have under contract.  After several attempts to send me an email with the suggestions provided by an editor at the publisher failed, I went to the reviews posted on Amazon.  Most of the low reviews were very specific and very helpful in why they didn’t like the book.

A few days ago, I accidentally discovered the email sent out months ago.  Several of the recommendations mirrored the reviews.   I’d like to include a few of the comments here:

*The settings lack detail. I often found myself asking “What happened to this person?” or “What does this look like?”

*The transitions between scenes are very sudden. Many times I figured the characters were in one spot when actually they left without any mention.

*My biggest issue is how the story is told. Almost all the story is written passively. Events are summarized by immense block quotes or e-mails. There is a difference between telling what happened and showing what happened. These stories mostly told what happened, and it creates distance between the reader and the story. The reader should be on the front lines. They should be just as cold, hungry, warm, happy, sad, or whatever the character is experiencing.

• Also, the dialogue doesn’t allow another character to respond. There are moments where there are three or four paragraphs of monologue, and then the scene switches before any other character can react.

*I like the flashbacks to the characters “glory days” but there needs to be a transition tool back to the present. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish a flash back and a current scene.

OK, so what’s the difference between passive and active writing?

For that answer I’d like to include something I found on the Internet, published by Towson University:

Active voice

In most English sentences with an action verb, the subject performs the action denoted by the verb.

These examples show that the subject is doing the verb’s action.

The man must have eaten five hamburgers. Marilyn mailed the letter. Colorful parrots live in the rain forest.

Because the subject does or “acts upon” the verb in such sentences, the sentences are said to be in the active voice.

Passive voice

One can change the normal word order of many active sentences (those with a direct object) so that the subject is no longer active, but is, instead, being acted upon by the verb – or passive.

Note in these examples how the subject-verb relationship has changed.

Five hamburgers must have been eaten by the man. The letter was mailed by Marilyn.

Because the subject is being “acted upon” (or is passive), such sentences are said to be in the passive voice.

When I started exploring the edits of my novels, it was easy to see where I had gone wrong.  The following sentence stood out:

I had written:  While his classmates were rushing to the ball field, Ryce was sitting in the library

The editor had changed it to:  While his classmates rushed to the ball field, Ryce was sitting in the library.

Several days ago, before I took a look at the reviews, I was at page 145 of 205 of my latest edit.  After examining the reviews, I started at page 1, with a focus on better descriptions of the characters  (see the first comment made by my editor).  Eventually, I worked my way back to page 45.

My latest focus is a comparison of what I’ve written with the suggestions the editor had.  I’ve made it back to page 6 after starting over.

What are my plans?  #1) Look for ways to move from passive to active; and #2)  Do a better job of describing the characters, and a better job of letting the reader see what I see.

#RClintPeters #TheAuthorsClub